What Gets in the Way of Grieving Freely: 5 Barriers That Disconnect Us From the Healing Wisdom of Grief
- Weaving Grief
- Jun 24
- 7 min read
Grief is not a problem to be solved. It is not something to get over, fix, or bypass. Rather, it is a natural, human, and sacred response to loss — to change, rupture, endings, deaths both literal and symbolic. And yet, in the culture we live in, grief is often misunderstood, minimized, and forced underground. Rather than being held and honoured, it is rushed, hidden, or silenced.
Many of us sense the deep need to grieve, but when we try, we bump up against resistance — internally and externally. We wonder why it feels so hard to access our feelings, or why the ache inside never quite softens. Often, it's not the grief itself that’s the problem, but the conditions we’ve inherited that make grieving feel unsafe, shameful, or impossible.

Here are five powerful barriers that get in the way of grieving freely — and what we need to reclaim to move through them.
01. Outdated Social Programming and Messaging Around Getting Over What Hurts
From a young age, we are fed stories about resilience that look a lot like suppression.
“Don’t cry”,“be strong",“everything happens for a reason”,“it’s time to move on.”
These phrases — often offered with good intentions — send a clear message: emotions are inconvenient, grief is weakness, and healing has a deadline.
We are taught that there is a socially acceptable window of time for mourning, and once it passes, we are expected to return to "normal." But grief does not adhere to timelines. It moves in spirals and waves. Sometimes it quiets for a time, then returns unexpectedly. This is not regression — it is the rhythm of being human.
The cultural emphasis on self-sufficiency and productivity leaves little room for the slow, sacred unfolding of grief. We are not shown how to be with pain. Instead, we are taught to overcome it, manage it, or hide it.
This social programming doesn’t just shape our behavior — it shapes our nervous systems. When we internalize the belief that grief makes us a burden, we learn to suppress our emotions and disconnect from our own inner knowing.
To grieve freely, we must challenge this programming. We must remember that grief is not a sign of brokenness, but a sign of love. And we must learn to surround ourselves with people, spaces, and stories that honour the depth of our feeling, not shame it.
02. Getting Trapped in a Narrow Definition of Grief and What It Means to Grieve and Be Human
Grief is more than funerals and eulogies, and it is more than the loss of a loved one.
We grieve when relationships end, when dreams dissolve, when we lose a version of ourselves, when our communities break, when our health declines, when the world changes faster than we can hold.
But because society offers us such a limited picture of grief, we often don’t recognize our pain for what it is. We think we must be “fine” because no one died. We diminish our losses because they don’t fit the mold of what is “grief-worthy.”
This narrow definition of grief keeps us silent. It tells us our pain doesn’t count. It leaves us unacknowledged and unsupported.
And when we don’t see our pain reflected in the world around us, we start to question ourselves. We may feel ashamed for struggling, we may isolate, we may push away or abandon our needs because we feel like there is no space for them.
But grief is not only about death — it is about change, rupture, and the reorganization of our inner and outer worlds. It is how the heart processes endings, how the soul metabolizes loss.
To grieve freely, we must expand our understanding of grief. We must begin to see all the quiet, unspoken ways we are grieving — and honour them. We must recognize that grief is not just an individual experience but a collective one. That to be alive in this world — tender, awake, feeling — is to grieve.
03. Continuing On With Business As Usual
We live in a culture that prizes efficiency and forward motion. In the wake of loss, the world rarely pauses. Work continues. Bills are due. The inbox fills up. And so we keep going.
We push our pain to the edges of the day, make it smaller, quieter, more manageable. We put on a brave face. We go through the motions. We tell ourselves we’ll grieve later, when there's time.
But grief doesn’t work that way. It demands space. It asks us to slow down. It invites us into a deeper rhythm — one that moves at the pace of the soul, not the clock.
Continuing on with business as usual might offer temporary distraction, but over time, it creates disconnection. We become numb. Disoriented. Anxious or depressed. We may wonder why we feel stuck or lost, even years after a loss occurred. The answer is often this: the grief never had a chance to be witnessed, felt, or integrated.
Grief needs pause. It needs ritual, rest, and reflection. When we override the natural impulse to turn inward and feel, we rob ourselves of the gifts grief has to offer — the clarity, the wisdom, the reordering of our lives around what matters most.
To grieve freely, we must make time. Even if the world doesn’t stop, we can. We can create space in small ways — in solitude, in ceremony, in stillness — where grief is allowed to rise, to breathe, and to soften.
04. Trying to Think the Way Out
Grief is not a puzzle. It is not a problem to solve or a lesson to master, but so many of us try to “figure it out” instead of feel our way through. We ruminate. We analyze. We research. We seek the right book, the right quote, the right framework to make sense of our pain.
This is a very human response — especially when emotions feel overwhelming or unmanageable. The mind tries to help. It wants a roadmap, a plan, an answer. But the truth is, grief lives in the body. It moves through our nervous system, our breath, our muscles, our tissues, and our bones. It needs to be felt, not fixed.
When we try to intellectualize our grief, we cut ourselves off from its wisdom. We stay in our heads, circling around the pain, never quite touching it. And in doing so, we prolong the suffering.
Thinking our way out of grief can look like:
Trying to find a reason for the loss.
Comparing our grief to others to justify or minimize it.
Seeking closure before we’ve allowed ourselves to feel.
Getting stuck in “why” instead of sitting with “what is.”
To grieve freely, we must drop from the mind into the body. We must let the tears come. Let the breath deepen. Let the voice tremble. Let the body move. Let the soul speak. There is no perfect language for grief. Only presence. Only permission.
05. Distraction Strategies
In a world full of noise, it’s easy to avoid our grief — even unintentionally.
We scroll, binge, shop, plan, clean, drink, perform, busy ourselves to the brim. We call it “coping,” and sometimes it is — but often, it's a way to avoid being with what hurts.
Distraction offers short-term relief, but over time, it leaves us feeling empty. The grief doesn’t go away — it waits.
And the longer we postpone our grief, the more it builds. It seeps into our bodies, our relationships, our sense of self. It shows up as anxiety, fatigue, disconnection, illness, or burnout.
Grief demands honesty. It requires that we turn toward the pain instead of away from it. That we choose presence over performance. That we stop numbing and start listening.
This does not mean we must dive into the depths all at once. Sometimes distraction is a survival tool. Sometimes we need breaks, buffers, moments of levity. But we must be honest about the difference between taking a break from grief — and abandoning it entirely.
To grieve freely, we must learn to be with ourselves in the quiet. We must relearn how to feel. And we must cultivate the courage to witness our sorrow — not as something shameful or dangerous, but as something sacred and deeply human.
Grief Is Not What Gets in the Way — It Is the Way
The world tells us that grief is a detour, an inconvenience, something to get past on the way to “real life". But grief is real life. It is a portal to the depths of our being. It strips away what is non essential. It brings us into contact with what is most real: love, loss, longing, and the fierce tenderness of being human.
What gets in the way of grieving freely is not the grief itself — but all the stories we’ve inherited about how we’re supposed to feel, behave, and move on.
We don’t need to be fixed, we need to be felt.
We don’t need better distractions, we need deeper connection.
This is the work of reclaiming grief. Of choosing presence over performance. Of remembering that grief is not our enemy — it is our teacher.
May we create space in our lives, our communities, and our bodies to grieve fully and freely. May we make room for the ache, and in doing so, rediscover our aliveness.
>> If this resonates with you, we invite you to join the Weaving Grief Newsletter—a sanctuary of soulful reflection, somatic wisdom, and gentle reminders that you’re not alone in your sorrow. Or connect with a member of our team for soul and somatic 1-1 grief support. Either way, we welcome you and your grief into our spaces with open arms.

About Us:
Weaving Grief specializes in compassionate grief therapy for individuals navigating loss of any kind - death, breakups, relationship transitions, chronic illness, loss of self, and more. By addressing these profound experiences, Weaving Grief empowers clients to grieve freely and live fully. Through somatic practices and meaningful reflection, we’re here to help you navigate these tender moments and rediscover the fullness of life.
Specific areas of focus: death of a loved one (recent or past), life changing transitions, relationship transitions and break ups, pregnancy loss, grief around family planning, chronic illness, loss of Self, and supporting entrepreneurs through the grief that comes with growth.
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