Pathologizing Grief: Why I Do Not Subscribe
- Weaving Grief
- 2 days ago
- 8 min read
Grief is not an illness to be cured.
It is not a problem to be fixed.
It is not a deviation from the norm.
It is a normal and natural response to loss.
In my work as a grief therapist, I have sat with many forms of sorrow. The breathless grief of sudden, unexpected and traumatic loss. The silent grief of never-born dreams. The quiet ache of chronic illness, the tender unraveling of identity, the soul-deep mourning of a world in crisis. And time and time again, I am reminded: grief is not a sign of something wrong. Grief is a sign of love, of connection, of being alive.
And yet, our dominant culture—fast-paced, productivity-obsessed, and deeply uncomfortable with pain—insists otherwise. Grief, in this cultural paradigm, is something to be “managed,” “treated,” and “overcome.” Within this lens, we are encouraged to return to “normal” as quickly as possible, to silence our sorrow, to tidy up our tears. If we grieve “too long” or “too deeply,” we may be handed a label. Complicated. Disordered. Dysfunctional.
This is what we call the pathologization of grief—a medicalization of mourning that frames grief as a deviation from health, rather than a natural and deeply human response to loss. And to be clear: I do not subscribe.
Grief Is Not a Disorder. It Is a Deeply Human Experience and Response to Loss.
Grief is one of the most ancient and universal experiences we have. Every culture, past and present, has created rituals and practices to honour it. In many Indigenous and ancestral traditions, grief is seen as a sacred rite of passage—a way to keep the heart open in the face of pain, to metabolize sorrow, to maintain relationship with what has been lost.
But in Western, colonized systems, grief has been stripped of its sacredness and reduced to a symptom. We’ve come to see it as something private, pathological, even shameful. This is not an accident. The pathologizing of grief is deeply entwined with capitalism, colonialism, and the medical-industrial complex—systems that prioritize control, productivity, and profit over relational, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
In 2022, the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) added a new diagnosis: Prolonged Grief Disorder. According to this framework, if someone continues to experience intense grief symptoms more than a year after the death of a loved one (six months for children), they may now qualify for a mental health diagnosis. I have deep concerns about the impact of this potential diagnosis on grieving people. Grief is already largely misunderstood in our society, still remains a taboo subject, and theories are tossed around without compassion for the griving heart.
Let me be clear: I believe in mental health support. I believe in therapy, in trauma healing, in community care. I also believe that loss can absolutely catalyze depression, anxiety, PTSD, and existential crises that deserve compassionate and skillful tending. But grief itself—raw, aching, unpredictable grief—is not an illness. It is not a pathology. It is a deeply human response to being in a relationship with something or someone we loved. And love does not expire on a schedule. So why would grief?
“If, as a culture, we don’t bear witness to grief, the burden of loss is placed entirely upon the bereaved, while the rest of us avert our eyes and wait for those in mourning to stop being sad, to let go, to move on, to cheer up. And if they don’t — if they have loved too deeply, if they do wake each morning thinking, I cannot continue to live — well, then we pathologize their pain; we call their suffering a disease”. — Cheryl Strayed
When clients come to me and tell me they have been diagnosed with a grief disorder, it breaks my heart. Grief is not a disorder. Grief is a normal and natural response to loss of any kind. Grief is as natural to the human existence as birth. We grieve deeply for what we have lost and long for. When we pathologies grief, we further isolate grieving people from the love, support, care, and tenderness that they need.
When we feel something is wrong with us, it forces us into isolation, it forces us to seek out ways to "fix" that which we see as broken, wrong, or defective in some way. But your grieving heart is not defective, it is working perfectly, for when we suffer loss, our heart aches for what we have lost. There is nothing pathological about that.
I long for a world that sees, honours, and knows grief as an essential part of human-ing, and for a world that turns towards those who are hurting rather than away from. For if we have space to grieve freely, we are able to find ways to live fully as well.
What Gets Lost When We Pathologize Grief?
When we pathologize grief, we lose our ability to see sorrow as sacred. We lose the slow, spiraling, nonlinear rhythm of mourning. We forget that grief is not a task to be completed, but a landscape to be lived in and tended to. We miss the opportunity to deepen, soften, and listen.
Here’s what else we lose:
01. The Validity of Our Pain
If our grief doesn’t look a certain way—or last a socially sanctioned amount of time—we begin to question ourselves. “Am I doing this wrong?” “Shouldn’t I be over this by now?” We internalize the idea that our pain is abnormal, inappropriate, or excessive, when in fact it is often a completely reasonable response to a life-altering loss.
02. The Wisdom of the Body
Grief is not only emotional—it is somatic. It lives in our bellies, our breath, and our bones. When we rush or suppress grief, we often end up with chronic tension, fatigue, inflammation, illness or other dis-ease. Pathologizing grief tells us to override the body’s natural process of mourning, which severs us from the intelligence of our own systems.
03. Communal and Ritual Support
Traditional societies grieved in community. There were elders, grief circles, songs and processions, shared meals and mourning clothes. Today, we are expected to grieve alone, quietly, and behind closed doors. Diagnosis reinforces this individualism. It tells us the problem is inside the person—not inside a society that offers little space, time, or support for the grieving.
04. The Full Arc of Healing
When grief is seen as a disorder, we try to treat it away—often through quick-fix interventions, numbing strategies, or pharmaceutical solutions. But true healing does not mean getting over grief. It means weaving our losses into the fabric of who we are. It means allowing grief to change us, teach us, soften us, make us more human.
Grief as an Initiation
In our practice, we view grief not as a detour from life, but as a portal into deeper aliveness. It is a threshold space—a sacred in-between—where our old identities die, and something new begins to emerge. Grief strips away what no longer serves us, brings us to our knees, and returns us to our soul.
To walk through grief consciously is to engage in an initiatory journey. Not a linear process of stages, but a spiral of descent and return. There is nothing “wrong” with those who grieve deeply. In fact, I believe there is great wisdom in a grief that lingers—because it points to the depth of our love, our care, our humanity.
In this sense, being with grief is a refusal to flatten our hearts in a world that asks us to be efficient and unfeeling. It is a commitment to staying tender. It is soul work.
A Different Way: Reclaiming Grief as Sacred
So what is the alternative?
Instead of pathologizing grief, we can normalize it, we can honour it, and we can create space—real, ritual, relational space—for people to be with their sorrow in meaningful, loving, and life-giving ways.
At Weaving Grief, we help people reconnect to grief as an embodied, soulful, and communal experience. We move slowly. We breathe. We make space for tears, silence, stories, song. We remember that grief is not meant to be done alone—and that healing is not about “getting over” but being changed by what we love and lose.
Here are a few guiding principles for this path:
01. Grief Has Its Own Timing and Its Own Way
There is no timeline for grief. It moves in waves, spirals, and seasons. Some days, the sorrow lifts. Other days, it returns like a storm. This is normal.
02. Grief Exists in the Body
Grief is not just in the mind—it is felt in the muscles, fascia, in the chest, in the gut. Somatic practices can help us move grief through the body with gentleness and care.
03. Grief Needs Witnessing
We are not meant to carry grief alone. Healing happens when we are seen, held, and honored in our mourning. This can happen in community, with a trusted therapist, or through ritual space.
Read more here: We Were Never Meant to Grieve Alone: The Impact of Loneliness and Isolation of Modern in Grief
04. Grief Can Be Creative
Grief often calls us to create—to write, paint, sing, garden, dance, drum. These are not distractions. They are sacred acts of remembering and expression.
05. Grief Is a Form of Love
Ultimately, grief is not the opposite of love. It is love, transfigured. To grieve is to continue loving that which we can no longer hold.
A Word for the Grieving
If you are reading this and your heart is heavy with grief, I want you to know:
You are not broken. You are not disordered. You are not too much. You are human. And your grief is a sacred expression of that humanity.
Take your time. Breathe deeply. Let yourself feel. Let yourself be held. Your sorrow matters. Your loss matters. You matter.
Closing: A Culture That Grieves Is a Culture That Heals
I dream of a world where we honour grief as part of the human experience—not something to be pathologized, but something to be respected. I dream of a culture where grief is not a private burden, but a communal rite. Where people have the support they need to grieve well, deeply, and fully. Where sorrow is not feared or fixed, but welcomed as sacred. Because to grieve well is to live well. To grieve well is to love well. To grieve well is to reclaim our place in the web of life.
I do not subscribe to pathologizing grief. I subscribe to honouring it. And I invite you to do the same.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to explore our free resource, Being with Grief, a soulful and somatic guide for honouring your grief in your own way. And if you are longing for deeper support, we offer 1:1 sessions and community spaces through Weaving Grief. Your story, your sorrow, your healing are always welcome here.
About Us:
Weaving Grief specializes in compassionate grief therapy for individuals navigating loss of any kind - death, breakups, relationship transitions, chronic illness, loss of self, and more. By addressing these profound experiences, Weaving Grief empowers clients to grieve freely and live fully. Through somatic practices and meaningful reflection, we’re here to help you navigate these tender moments and rediscover the fullness of life.
Specific areas of focus: death of a loved one (recent or past), life changing transitions, relationship transitions and break ups, pregnancy loss, grief around family planning, chronic illness, loss of Self, and supporting entrepreneurs through the grief that comes with growth.