Lasting Connections: A Guide to Establishing Continuing Bonds After Loss
- Weaving Grief
- 12 minutes ago
- 7 min read
Please Note: We acknowledge that the idea of maintaining relationship and connection with our loves ones after they have died is not for everyone. Many people do not find comfort in continuing a bond with their love ones after death for a variety of reasons, and that's okay - your grief, your way. This post is for those who resonate with the idea of maintaining relationships after loss, and those curious about the possibility.
Grief is often spoken about in terms of letting go — of saying goodbye, of finding closure, of moving on. But for many, this language feels hollow or even harmful. The truth is, love does not end where life does. Relationships, especially those built on deep bonds of the heart and soul, do not disappear with death. Instead, they shift, evolve, and often become something new.
This post is an invitation — a gentle exploration into the possibility of maintaining a relationship with a loved one who has died. This concept, known as continuing bonds, offers a way of relating to our grief that centers connection over disconnection, love over finality.
We want to acknowledge that this isn’t the right path for everyone. For some, the relationship with the deceased may have been complex, painful, or unresolved. Others may not feel drawn to the idea of connection after death — and that’s okay. Your grief is your own. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and this space honours that.
But for those who do find resonance in this idea — for those who feel their loved one’s presence, who dream of them, talk to them, or wish to — this guide is for you. Let’s explore the many sacred and practical ways we can cultivate lasting connections with those we’ve lost.
What are Continuing Bonds?
The term "continuing bonds" emerged in the 1990s as an alternative to the dominant model of grief that emphasized detachment and closure. Pioneered by Dennis Klass, Phyllis Silverman, and Steven Nickman, the continuing bonds theory challenged the idea that “healthy grieving” meant cutting ties with the deceased.
Instead, they suggested that many people naturally and healthily continue their relationships with loved ones after death — through memory, ritual, inner dialogue, dreams, legacy, and symbolic presence. Far from pathological, these ongoing relationships often provide comfort, meaning, and a sense of stability amidst grief’s upheaval.
Continuing bonds are not about denying death or refusing to accept loss. They are about acknowledging that love endures, that bonds can be spiritual as much as physical, and that grief is not a linear path to forgetting — but a spiral of remembrance, transformation, and continued relationship.
Why Continuing Bonds Matter
Grief is love with nowhere to go — or so it can seem. Continuing bonds offer the love a place to rest, a way to move with our grief instead of against it.
They can:
Provide comfort and connection in moments of longing.
Help integrate the reality of loss into daily life.
Offer a sense of guidance, wisdom, or support from the deceased.
Allow for the relationship to evolve instead of abruptly end.
Help children and adults alike make sense of death through story and presence.
Most importantly, continuing bonds gives permission — permission to keep talking to them, to keep loving them, to keep carrying them with you in whatever way feels true.
Nurturing Continuing Bonds
There is no right or wrong way to cultivate a continuing bond. The following practices are simply doorways — invitations to engage with the possibility that your relationship with your loved one can live on in sacred and meaningful ways.
01. Talk to Them
Whether aloud, in your mind, or in writing, speaking to your loved one can be deeply healing and therapeutic.
This might look like:
Saying good morning or goodnight.
Asking for guidance when you’re struggling.
Sharing updates on your life.
Releasing words left unsaid.
You might create a ritual space — a candle, a photo, a journal — where you can return to this practice regularly. Over time, many find that the act of speaking becomes a kind of spiritual dialogue, even if the answers are felt rather than heard.
02. Write Letters or Keep a Grief Journal
Writing offers a powerful medium for connection. You might write letters to your loved one, expressing grief, sharing memories, or asking questions. Some people keep a dedicated grief journal, where their entries are addressed to the deceased. This can become a sacred ritual — a space to commune, to process, to reflect, and to connect.
03. Create Rituals of Remembrance
Ritual helps ground the intangible in something we can see, feel, and hold. Establish rituals or traditions that symbolize your ongoing connection. This could involve visiting a specific place, participating in activities you enjoyed together, or creating new rituals that carry special significance to both you and your loved one.
You might:
Light a candle on birthdays, anniversaries, or special days.
Set a place at the table during family gatherings.
Cook their favorite meal on a certain day each year.
Build a small altar or memory shelf with meaningful items.
These acts serve as gentle reminders that love still lives here, and their presence is still welcome.
04. Incorporate Their Legacy Into Your Life
How did your loved one shape you? What parts of them live on in you? Carrying forward their legacy might look like:
Continuing their work, hobby, or passion.
Creating a scholarship, donation, or community offering in their name.
Living by their values or teaching them to others.
Sharing their stories with the next generation.
Legacy is not always grand — sometimes it’s as simple as planting their favorite flower, playing their favorite music, or laughing at the jokes they used to tell.
05. Invite Them Into Nature
The natural world offers a powerful mirror and holding ground for grief — seasons of death and rebirth, stillness and motion, endings and continuations.
You might connect with your loved one through:
Sitting under a tree they loved.
Watching sunsets or sunrises in their honour or with them in mind.
Walking a familiar trail and speaking their name.
Placing a stone or offering in a sacred place.
Many find that nature is where they feel their loved one most vividly — in birdsong, wind, water, and wildflowers.
06. Honour Their Presence in Dreams
Dreams can be a potent place for continued connection. Some people experience what are known as visitation dreams, in which the deceased appear with clarity, warmth, and comfort.
Even symbolic dreams can offer meaning — perhaps you’re exploring a shared memory, or encountering them in metaphor.
Keeping a dream journal and reflecting on patterns can be a beautiful way to honour these experiences. Trust your intuition to guide the meaning.
07. Create Art or Symbolic Expressions
Art opens a channel beyond words. Expressing your bond through painting, music, dance, or poetry can offer healing and connection.
You might:
Paint an abstract representation of your grief.
Write a poem or song for them.
Create a collage of photos and memories.
Make a quilt from their clothing.
What matters is not the product, but the process — the way the act of creating becomes a conversation, a remembrance, a celebration of your love.
The Evolving Nature of the Bond
Just as living relationships shift over time, so too do continuing bonds. In the early days of grief, the connection might be raw, aching, desperate. Over time, it might soften, become quieter, more woven into the fabric of your life.
Some people find the bond grows stronger over time. Others feel it fade, only to return in unexpected ways — during a major life event, a birth, a season change.
There is no right rhythm, no rules, and you are allowed to tend this connection however you wish — fiercely, gently, intermittently, or with sacred routine.
Navigating Skepticism or Cultural Expectations
In Western culture, grief is often seen as something to "get over." Continuing bonds can sometimes be misunderstood or pathologized — seen as denial, fantasy, or avoidance.
If you’ve encountered skepticism from others, know that you're not alone.
Maintaining a relationship after death does not mean you’re stuck or crazy. In fact, it often means you’re deeply engaged with your grief and your love in a conscious, meaningful way. Many cultures around the world have long embraced ancestral reverence, spirit communication, and relational continuity as normal aspects of grieving.
Give yourself permission to grieve — and love — in the way that is most true for you.
Grief Is a Relationship, Not a Problem to Solve
One of the most powerful shifts in grief work is the understanding that grief is not something we “fix.” It is a relationship — one that changes, teaches, and transforms.
Continuing bonds allow this relationship to stay alive. They remind us that we are still in connection — not just with the person who has died, but with ourselves, with the cycles of life and death, and with the vast mystery of love that does not die.
Whether you feel your loved one in a dream, speak to them in the garden, or carry them silently in your heart, know this: your bond is valid, your love is still alive, your grief is not evidence of brokenness, but of depth, devotion, and the courage to feel.
Final Thoughts: An Invitation to the Heart
If you’ve read this far, perhaps something in your heart feels tender, curious, or seen. Perhaps there’s someone you’re missing. Perhaps there’s a connection you long to honour, explore, or already quietly do.
This post is not a prescription, it’s an offering. A reminder that love does not end. That bonds can bend and shift and become something new and sacred in their own right.
If the idea of continuing bonds resonates, I invite you to begin gently. Light a candle, speak their name, write a letter, sit in silence, listen, stay open and curious.
Let the love you shared take new forms. Let your connection, however it shows up, be part of the path that carries you forward.
>> If this post resonates, we invite you to download our free guide, Being with Grief, which includes somatic practices, rituals, and journal prompts to support your grief journey. Or join our Weaving Grief community email list for soulful reflections, upcoming grief workshops, and community offerings.
About Us:
Weaving Grief specializes in compassionate grief therapy for individuals navigating loss of any kind - death, breakups, relationship transitions, chronic illness, loss of self, and more. By addressing these profound experiences, Weaving Grief empowers clients to grieve freely and live fully. Through somatic practices and meaningful reflection, we’re here to help you navigate these tender moments and rediscover the fullness of life.
Specific areas of focus: death of a loved one (recent or past), life changing transitions, relationship transitions and break ups, pregnancy loss, grief around family planning, chronic illness, loss of Self, and supporting entrepreneurs through the grief that comes with growth.
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