Choosing Our Hard: When Every Path Holds Grief
- Weaving Grief
- Jul 15
- 5 min read
There are moments in life when we find ourselves standing at a crossroads — not between right and wrong, not between good and bad, but between two choices that both carry weight. Both hold longing, both invite loss, and neither one feels fully like the “right” answer.
We often imagine that when a big decision comes, we’ll just know — that something in us will click, that clarity will arrive, that peace settle in once the “right” path reveals itself.
But sometimes, there is no such moment. Sometimes, choosing doesn’t come with ease, and we are left sitting in the uncomfortable space between what we hoped would be and what actually is.
No one teaches us what to do when both choices hurt.
The Myth of the Right Choice
From a young age, we’re taught to search for the “right” answer and the "right" path to success and happiness — the career that aligns, the relationship that feels easy, the city that calls our name. And we assume that if we wait long enough or analyze deeply enough, one option will rise above the rest and make itself obvious.
But life is rarely that neat, and rarely that straight forward.
Sometimes, we stand before two doors — and each one asks us to give something up. Each one asks us to let go of something meaningful, each one holds an unknown, and instead of clarity, we’re met with confusion, fear, resistance, and sorrow.
The Grief on Both Sides
Some decisions come with obvious grief — the end of a relationship, a move away from something familiar, the ending of a dream.
But others are quieter. Sometimes we grieve the path we don’t take. Sometimes we grieve the self we imagined we could be, sometimes we grieve the fantasy of how things might have been.
You might find yourself asking:
If I stay, will I slowly lose parts of myself?
If I go, will I regret giving up the good that’s here?
What if neither path is wrong — and yet both require me to let go?
This is the grief of thresholds, of liminal spaces, of becoming.
Choosing Your Hard
When no option feels like a full-body yes, we’re not choosing between “easy” and “hard.” We’re choosing our hard. And that’s the invitation: Not to wait for ease, but to choose what kind of challenge we are willing to hold. What if we let that sink in? Because maybe there is a difference between pain that breaks us and pain that shapes us. A difference between staying in something that suffocates and walking toward something that stretches.
And so the question becomes:
Which grief feels more bearable right now? Which path allows me to stay connected to my values, my aliveness, my truth — even if it’s hard? (Especially when its hard). Who do I want to be on the other side of this decision?
There is no bypass here, we can’t skip over the discomfort but we can choose how we want to meet ourselves inside it.
You can ask:
Which version of this hard holds integrity?
Which one allows me to honour myself — even if it costs me something?
Which one feels like a “no” to my soul, and which feels like a shaky but brave “yes”?
At the end of my life, what do I imagine I will wish I would have done?
The Road Not Taken Still Hurts
Even after we choose, grief doesn’t disappear. Sometimes, it even grows stronger in the quiet that follows.
You might miss the other/old version of your life, you might question your choice, you might wonder, what if? This is normal, it’s okay, and it's part of the process. Grief has no loyalty to linearity. You are allowed to mourn what you didn’t choose — even if you’re confident in the choice you made.
The ache of letting go doesn’t mean you chose wrong. It's a sign that you cared deeply. Let yourself feel the tenderness of that. You are allowed to grieve what is no longer, and what will never be, there is space here for all of it.
There Is No Wrong Way — Only the Way Forward
Sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is release the fantasy that there will be a clear, easy, obvious answer — and instead lean into the truth that life is made up of complicated, heart-wrenching decisions that shape us in ways we can’t yet see.
We become through the choosing, through the breaking open, through the walking forward without full certainty. We learn trust, discernment, and personal integrity.
The next time you find yourself caught between two hard choices, know this: You are not doing it wrong because it feels heavy. You are not missing something because it doesn’t feel clear. You are not broken because you can’t avoid the grief.
Some decisions ask us to trust our deeper knowing — not for a perfect outcome, but for a choice we can stand beside in the dark.
A Gentle Invitation
If you’re in that space now — straddling two lives or a big decision, unsure which one to lean into — may this be your invitation you to pause. Breathe, place a hand on your heart, and ask:
What am I afraid of losing — and what am I longing to protect?
What feels heavy in my body when I imagine this path — and what feels sacred?
What version of “hard” do I feel most resourced to hold right now?
Then, let your choice be an offering, an act of devotion to your aliveness, a step — not toward certainty — but toward becoming.
Final Words
You do not need to know everything right now. You only need to choose the next right thing for this moment with the information you have right now. Trust that you are capable of holding the grief that follows, or finding the right supports to help you hold your truth. Your heart is wise, even when it’s unsure. There may not be a “right” choice, but there is a true one — the one you choose with your whole self, grief and all.
About Us:
Weaving Grief specializes in compassionate grief therapy for individuals navigating loss of any kind - death, breakups, relationship transitions, chronic illness, loss of self, and more. By addressing these profound experiences, Weaving Grief empowers clients to grieve freely and live fully. Through somatic practices and meaningful reflection, we’re here to help you navigate these tender moments and rediscover the fullness of life.
Specific areas of focus: death of a loved one (recent or past), life changing transitions, relationship transitions and break ups, pregnancy loss, grief around family planning, chronic illness, loss of Self, and supporting entrepreneurs through the grief that comes with growth.
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